What is the aim of blogging if you decorate everything you type to disguise the sickness in you?
What is the use of having everything, if it doesn’t make you even minutely happy? And what is the point of knowing people, if you don’t let them know you?
Meaningless. Purposeless. Pointless.
I hate the fact that I disguise my inner self to put up a different- a braver, a more intelligent and a more extroverted face than what I really am. I hate that I have no one to talk to about it either.
I am LOST! I am just a visitor to this place which many call home. I am a stranger in my own mind.
And now it's hard for me to blog anymore. And I am not sorry about this.
Although the blog has been with me, through and through, everything seems foreign. My emotions themselves feel counterfeit. I’m detached and do nothing. For the entire period that I’ve been writing, for three long years, I’ve been doing nothing. In this place of utter nothingness, devoid of all features, my mind is crowded with the fragments of self-pity, diffidence and doubt. I am overwhelmed with emptiness. I’ve been wandering like a vagabond, spinning and running from fear to faith and back again. I’ve entertained every fear and apprehension to fill my voids of silence and strangeness.
Today – NOW – it ends.
I've finally realized no one cares. Most specifically, me... I just don't care. Every time I posted something, I felt that I am learning how to get up and unlearning how to languish. But that’s not it.
What matters most? What is important? Is trying enough?
My life needs to be mended inside out – reach the innards of my brain, pull them out and cleanse them.
May be I’ll be back. May be not. But at least I’ll not cause any trouble anymore with my mindless and counterfeit posts. I’ve abused myself and my blog in more ways than one. I don’t know what kind of a mental image my blog presented of me but I’m sure that it was nowhere close to the real me.
What Did I Do To Deserve This?
XLNC Hyderabad Time Life | By Aditya | 2011 Trackbacks (0) Add commentAfter that incident I regret the very foundation of my existence. I wish my genetic code never reached its final destination. I wish my prehistoric ancestor died in infancy and erased the entire line of heritance I belong to.
I wish I was like the 6,918,933,762 other people on the planet who at the very least have a life to live.
Some say that time is a result of the expansion of the Universe, i.e. time’s existence came into being when the big bang occurred but I wish I had the power to reverse it.
What did I do to deserve this?
Of all the infinite possibilities of living a life and doing things, I have made choices and taken options that brought me there on that fateful day. A series of a gazillion interrelated incidents and moments that from the start of time itself was woven in such a way as to bring me there at that decisive moment.
The entire universe conjured up this plan to trick me into taking the course of action that I took.
Choices have been made and I can only continue on them. I have taken turns in places from where there is no return. My life is chained to the seat of a car with no airbags or seatbelts and heading towards an immovable wall at maximum velocity.
If only I could go back in time...
What did I do to deserve this?
I keep recalling the incident – the tragedy, the catastrophe, the misfortune and the lack of judgement. I keep thinking if I was in the right state of mind or if I was drugged? I know it was for real but why was I deluded into such an action? How could I have been misled?
How come? How on earth? How in the name of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?
HOW?
How could I have eaten stale and rotten bajjis at Yadagiri’s for `25 when I could have eaten a plate of hot samosas at Siddheshwar’s for hardly half the price?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. – It was actually a treat I was giving to my friends on the occasion of the third anniversary of my blog. But as fate would have it – Yadagiri had the last laugh! And I hope it is the last time he laughs!!
But still - What did I do to deserve this?
Parking in no parking area - Rs 50/- Official Cost - Rs100/-
Jumping Signal - Rs.50/- Official Cost - Rs.500/- or arrest
Riding Triples - Rs.100/- Official Cost Rs.200/-
Driving without license/RC/pollution check - Rs.100/- Official Cost Rs.500/- or arrest
Not getting caught while doing all the above - priceless!!
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there’s the discount giving corrupt traffic constable!
We all are pretty familiar with these rates and also the random "chai paisa" and "kharcha paani", it has become part of daily life. And when one Padmashree Anna Hazare comes to disrupt the entire harmony and peace - we don't like it. We don't like it one little bit!
I mean what gives a social activist the right to pressurize the government to make anti-corruption laws and pass bills which would render corruption endangered and extinct.
Given the fact that more than 35-40% of Hyderabadi's (and maybe even all Indians) ride triples, without licenses, in wrong routes and park in no parking spaces, this would come as a rude shock and a cause for uproar.
We don't care if Rs.1.76 lakh crores are looted or our right to vote is stolen by others - all we want is to travel on the opposite side of the road in the middle of Ameerpet at peak traffic hours even if we obstruct traffic and get away paying only some 100 bucks max. We don't care if roads are bad or it's not our signal yet... it isn't our problem, we have to go home quickly enough to watch the IPL match between Andaman Aristocrats and Lakshwadweep Lions.
We don't care if an ambulance is wailing behind us as it's more important for us to give alms to the 8 year old beggar child at Jubilee Hills Check Post. We don't care if public restrooms are available across the street cause walls are on this side too.
We don't have time for waiting at signals but have enough time to get a first hand view of two people fighting over a scratch on an auto to which they are not even related to and also in giving a sound thrashing in public to an offender than handing him over to the police.
We also don't care if a MLA's son ran over a few pedestrians as long as it does not pertain to us. And neither do the passing of the Women's Bill or the Right to Information Act or the Anti-Terror bill interest us. All we want is to get on with our lives we have got accustomed to.
We pay money for getting passports issued in time because the officials are too lazy to even perform their duties for which they are being paid for. We pay money to retrieve our own stuff at the police station. We pay money for what are our rights and their duties. We pay money if we are on the right side of the law and pay more if we are on the wrong side of it.
And then we get home and curse the government for not taking enough measures or feel that our country will remain this way forever or get worse.
A Democracy is one where we make the laws, where we are the voice that the government listens to, performs for and stands on. We are the power. We are.
When was the last time you felt that your government was was looking out for your interests? The injustices occurring in our country are not just happening to “those people over there”; they are in fact happening to all of us. If one person is not free or denied justice then we are all suffering and being denied justice.
It is time for us to unite and break free from the privileged few who seek to own us and rule us.
Support the Jan Lokpal Bill.
P.S. – For a corruption free India, we need corruption free Indians. Starting You!
As I witnessed in stunned disbelief and a sense of heightened ardour I can now loosely recall the distorted images that are embossed in my mind for the rest of my life.
The journey... the caravan!
We had crossed not miles but people. We had left behind not possessions but memories. We had voyaged into the very hearts of the unknown and unfamiliar. We had come to ends of a trip that would lead us to glory and alleviate our pain.
And there before us stood an opponent of unmatched skill and ability. The adversary was very fierce and brave... and one who had been undefeated for a while – seemingly invincible. And yet the enemy was overpowered.
Yet when we conquered this enemy we did not stop, for other opponents had arrived. The next one was an old foe, a rival, one who had to be conquered – even if the Gods themselves were against us.
The rivalry was historic and unequalled. And the victory we achieved was unique and irreplaceable. The opponent was gracious in defeat though, they wished us the best of luck for the final battle - The epic encounter of all epic encounters, a battle to end all battles. A war waged to never wage war again for a long time.
And yes we did win the battle, a fight that will be written in the annals of time. A fight that was spellbinding and inspiring. A battle that will live on in all of our hearts... And finally the campaign had ended with us being victorious and our masses mesmerized.
This victory was achieved not for riches or thrones. This was not for possessions and property. No kingdoms were to be won. No damsels in distress needed to be rescued. Not for power or authority - But for a simple humble person - A person who had reshaped the course of the entire battlefield, a warrior unparalleled, a foot soldier who had reached the very dizzy heights of the dreamed of world.
And if you are not a depressed recluse who lives all alone in a desolate house in a deserted village in the isolated hinterlands of a remote island nation, which itself is in a secluded part of a lonely planet in a far-flung galaxy a million light years away – you would probably have heard the name of this foot soldier – SACHIN RAMESH TENDULKAR!!
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!
Once a saint, who for years on end stood still meditating was suddenly disturbed by loud noises and deafening war cries from far way. And as he motionlessly watched from the distance, a barbaric horde raided the area and wiped out the place, they caused enough damage for the land to become absolutely unrecognizable.
And soon after, they attacked a group of thirty odd peaceful, unarmed and respectable men. Men who had stood for honesty and moral values. Men who were revered and humane. Men who were kind and just. And what ensued was unimaginable – an unprecedented massacre, where a dozen of those highly regarded men were pulled away, targeted and assaulted.
They initially jabbed, and then they hacked and then they chopped. But soon they tied ropes to the victims’ bodies and tore them apart by pulling and tugging. And these men who had seen through years of harsh winds, pelting rain and the scorching sun with strength and solidarity were torn apart. And the broken remains of their bodies were later drowned. And the remaining men were left mutilated and scarred.
All the while a large group of soldiers looked on. These soldiers, contradictory to popular belief, betrayed the peoples’ trust and did nothing about the slaughter. In fact they knew that this might transpire but still did nothing about it.
And with great grief do I say this that even evil tyrants and sinners of the worst kind shouldn’t beget the torture that the honourable men suffered.
The horde then claimed to take over the empire and rule over it, which people thought would without a doubt lead to an era of darkness and gloom to descend over the doomed land. But the barbarians had their own soothsayers who deceptively asserted that the future would yield happiness and bring glory to the empire.
Easily deceived, the murderers and barbarians were praised and made leaders of the horde by people. And then the followers hoisted their flags and standards and went about vandalising and rioting.
And the men whom they had witnessed being callously taken apart were labelled fiends and imposters. And the acts and deeds, which these honourable men had done for centuries, were obliterated.
And as the saint watched with silence, the hearts of the people turned to stone.
As they say – time does petrify!
